Nancy’d
By Chelsea Rivera
To get Nancy’d is to get fucked
Chapter One
“So
when are we going to New York?”
I asked Jess over the phone. We’d
been planning on going back since the beginning of the semester after our two-day
trip last time.
“I
don’t
know, when I have money? Some of us don’t
work like you.” Jess said.
“Well
nobody’s
stopping you from getting a job Jess.”
“I
know, but who’s going to hire a temp?”
“That’s
why you ask around and apply. Nobody gets anywhere without trying.”
Jess has never worked a day in her life and she gets money from her dad in Australia.
I wish I had it that easy. It’s
not her fault though, she does try sometimes. I guess she’s
used to just getting money.
“I
know, I know, I friggin’ know! Gosh Kate, you
sound like my mom.”
“You
and I both know your mom would not say that. She’d
be all like, ‘Jessica, you need to get
a job so you can buy all that expensive stuff you call fashion. I only buy good
looking clothes blah, blah, blah.’
And you know it.” I said laughing.
Jess
burst out laughing and said, “Yeah,
oh my gosh you almost nailed her accent!”
“Really?
Hahaa.”
“Yeah,
we could move to Australia and you’d
fit right in.”
“Awesome.
But seriously, you’re broke right now?”
“Yeah,
I have to wait for my dad to send me money.”
“Why
am I friends with you? I don’t
have broke friends.” I said sarcastically. We
always made fun of each other. Not in a cruel or hurtful way, but more in a ‘we’re
close enough that we can insult one another and know that it doesn’t
mean anything’ kind of way. I walked
over to the cracked leather seats in the kitchen and poured myself some cereal,
picking more pieces off the chair.
“Well
gee, it’s
not my fault-” I heard her scoff through the phone. “I’m
done.”
“See??
You need to get a job, Jess. I’ll spot you and you just pay me back when you
get the money.” I was set on seeing
Carter again. Which is weird because he is definitely not my type, but then again,
maybe he is. He’s a geek, fat, smart, has
common sense and knows a good set of racks when he sees one (i.e. pervert). I
keep re-playing that night over and over again in my head. In that one day I
swear it was like I already knew him. (One rule for all you guys out there, if
you’re
meeting a girl for the first time, do not, I repeat do not bring a friend that
is cuter and has more game than you because even without trying your friend
will get the girl. That’s basically what
happened.)
“Ehhhh,
I don’t
know, you sure?”
“Yeah,
I know where you live and I know where you keep your teddy bear, Mr. Dot.”
“No!!
Not Mr. Dot! You know I’d pay you back.”
Jess said. She’s had that bear forever.
“Yeah
I know you will. So we can go this weekend? I’ll
text Carter and-”
“Carter’s
coming?! Ugh, then I’ll be the third wheel!”
Did I ask her to climb Mount Rushmore? No, I asked her to just accompany me in
New York because I couldn’t go alone. How many
times have I been the third wheel for her and not complain? Countless amount of
times and I’d
still be the third wheel now if she were to ask me. It wasn’t
my fault she didn’t have anyone to go with.
“No
you won’t,
we’re
just friends.” That’s
a lie.
“Ha!
Yea, when I got back from meeting Craig, you and Carter were all over each
other flirting big time and that was
only the first ten minutes. You let him grab your ass!”
“Nu
uhh, I let him grab my boobs. I went to hug him and then he grabbed my ass. I
was high off the moment.” I said with a huge smile
on my face. Things did get pretty flirtatious with constant butt grabbing, sly
remarks, hugging, and one bite to the neck, and that was all Carter. I was just
enjoying it.
“I
don’t
know what you were high off of but that, no, that…you had way too much fun.”
“I’ll
tell Dmitry to come.”
“PSHT!
He likes you too! He just doesn’t
show it.”
Jess said. I repeatedly banged my head on the kitchen table where I was eating
breakfast. “Stop
banging your head, I’ll go with you.”
“Really?!
Yay!! I promise we’ll try not to make it seem
like you’re
the third wheel. Yay thanks Jess!!”
“Doubt
it.”
Jess said with a sigh. I know she probably rolled her eyes and probably wasn’t
really looking forward to it but she was my best friend and she did a lot just
so I could be happy. Thrilled I was in my gym shorts and cami when my mom
walked in the kitchen.
“Put
some clothes on, don’t nobody wanna see you half naked!”
She yelled.
“I’m
not going anywhere, Ma.” I said dancing trying to
get her to dance along.
“Put
on some sweat pants or something.”
Ma said. I shrugged my shoulders and went back to my conversation with Jess.
“We’ll
have fun like we always do Jess.”
I tried to make her feel better about going.
“Yeah
we will, we always do. So this weekend, right?”
“Yep,
Carter just said he’ll meet us at Time Square,
like last time.”
“Okay,
let’s
just hope it’s not exactly like last
time.”
She chuckled.
“It
won’t,
I promise, I’ll tell him to keep his
hands to himself… for the most part.”
“Aha,
yea okay. I’ll
text you.”
“Okay,
see you laterrr.”
“Byyyeeee,
Kaaaaaaaaate.”
“Byyyyeeeeee,
Jeeeeeeessssssssssssssaaaaaaaahhhhhh.”
“Hahaa,
bye fool.”
“Bye,
freak.”
We were weird, we knew.
“Who’s
going to keep his hands to himself??”
My mom looked at me like I was crazy. I was
kinda used to that look.
“What?”
I heard what she said.
“You
heard me.”
Now she was serious.
“Ma,
I’ve
been deprived of men.”
“You
don’t
need them touching you I know that.”
“Ha!
Says the woman who thinks ‘Gett Off’
by Prince isn’t a raunchy song. Shall I
repeat the chorus? “Twenty-three positions in
a one night stand. Gett off, I only call you after if you say I can. Gett off,
let a woman be a woman and a man be a man. Gett off. If you want to baby here I
am. Gett off.” I am being a woman and I
am letting the man be a man. I’m
just listening to what Prince says Ma. It’s
a good wholesome song right?”
I looked at her like she was in agreement with me. Because mothers know best.
Ma
looked at me with a sly smile. “Hmmm,
yeah. You better not be letting that guy be a man.”
“Okay
Ma, but you said so yourself, I need to get out more. You’re
supposed to let things happen on its own. He’s
not what you think anyway, he’s
very nice.”
I didn’t
know why everyone said that I needed a boyfriend. I thought about it, and if I
were to have one, I’d have one. Did I look
desperate? I knew I wanted to see Carter really bad, but I didn’t
think I had, “DESPERATE GIRL LOOKING
FOR A BOYFRIEND” written on my shirt.
“And
what do I think?”
“Pervert.”
“Is
he a pervert?”
“Yea,
but I don’t
like to use that terminology for him, he appreciates my assets.”
I stuck out my chest and put my hands on my waist with a superhero stance
posing.
“You
better put those G’s away.”
My mother said.
“I’m
embracing them, just like my scars.”
“You
have such nice legs, then you had to ruin them with your picking.”
My mom hates my scars. I hate the way I look.
The
weekend was here and I woke up at six in the morning just to get ready. I knew
Jess wasn’t
up yet, but I set an alarm on her phone the day before while we were out at the
mall. If I didn’t do that, she’d
have woken up at eleven when the train left at eight. She was going to hit me,
but she’d
thank me later.
I’ve
always prayed for a best friend. I was never specific because I know you’re
not supposed to be greedy and you get what you get. Jess is a bitch, but she’s
there for me. I don’t think you choose who
your best friends are, I think they’re
given to you and you choose to either accept them or leave them.
Chapter Two
We got on the train and I chose two seats for me and
Jess. I sat on the outside because I liked to make eye contact with people,
take pictures and cause awkward situations. Jess sat on the inside trying to
hide herself from embarrassment.
“Here,”
I handed Jess her part of the headphone splitter so we can listen to the same
songs on my iPod. “Shall I start us off with
Stefano?”
“You better!”
Jess said. “You
still remember the dance moves?”
“How could I forget, it’s
awesome.”
I said laughing. I started dancing in my seat and Jess followed, no one could
see us yet so we were both going all out.
The train started moving and I gave Jess the biggest
cheesiest smile ever.
“It’s
moving!!”
I screamed.
“I know!!”
Jess’s
eyes widened and I knew we’re going to have fun.
We were jamming out to some Rihanna when the train stopped
at the next stop in Bridgeport so the next load of people could come aboard. As
Jess and I were sitting, we calmed down because we saw this hot guy come on the
train. We looked at each other and Jess did the double raise of the eyebrows
and I wiggled my tongue. Don’t
ask.
“He looks like Jensen
Ackles!!”
Jess said.
“Who’s
that?”
“You know from, Supernatural?”
She said as if I watched the TV show, which I don’t.
I usually didn’t watch TV anymore since
they cancelled, One Life to Live, my
favorite soap opera, they should’ve
just let it go on until they all died. I mean, they cancelled the best soap
opera and left General Hospital on
with the world’s suckiest actors.
“Nope, no clue.”
I said staring at the guy. He wasn’t
that good looking. I go for the guys that are tall, skinny and tend to have a
criminal record, which is the exact opposite of what Carter is. We have very
different tastes in men, which was another good thing so we didn’t
have to worry about liking each other’s
boyfriend. If I had one.
“You know from, My Bloody Valentine, he played Tom. And
he’s
southern…mmmmmm.”
“Suuure.”
I said with a blank face and a fake smile.
“Ugh, no you don’t,
you need to watch TV.”
I laughed and said, “The
television needs to have good TV shows with talented actors. Then I will allow
myself to be glued to the TV.”
“Still upset they
cancelled One Live To Live?”
Jess asked.
“Very.”
I stared at the Jenson look alike and then at Jess. “You
should go say hi to him.”
“Heck no!”
“I’ll
go tell him you said hi.” As I got up from my
seat, Jess tried to grab my arm to pull me back, but I quickly moved out of her
reach and I plopped myself right next to the Jensen look alike.
“Hey.”
I said eagerly. I looked back at Jess and she was looking out the window with
her jacket over her face.
“Uhh,
hi?”
“My name’s
Kate what’s
yours?”
“Umm it’s
Michael. Can I help you?” He looked so puzzled; it
was great.
“Yes you can. You see that
girl over there, she thinks you look like Jensen Ackles, I have no clue who
that is but, she thinks you’re
hot.”
I pointed over to Jess.
“I get that a lot. I have
no clue who that is either. I think he’s
a famous actor or something.”
Finally, someone who didn’t watch TV.
“Well, I just wanted to
tell you for her because she’s
shy and gorgeous.” He saw her and nodded
his head accepting her beauty. Jess looked his way, she didn’t
know she was daydreaming so I let out a big cough and Jess woke up, startled,
smiled at Michael and then looked out of the window again. I embarrassed her.
Michael chuckled, “She’s
is a sight to see, she from around here?”
Wow, I didn’t
think he’d
actually say that.
“Yea, well from West
Haven, I’ll
tell her you said hey?” Now this was awkward, so
I left.
“Yea, oh I’m
twenty-one by the way if she’s
wondering.”
“Okay. Bye.”
I quickly went back to my seat next to Jess.
“Well, what’d
he say?”
Jess asked and looked at me like I had the answer to end world hunger.
“He said you’re
a sight to see. Nice drooling by the way.”
I laughed and pointed to her face.
“Fuck!”
she wiped her mouth and looked at Michael and he was already staring at her. “He’s
so gorgeous oh my gosh!!”
“Yeah? Well get a good
look now because we’re at our stop and he’s
not getting off.” The train stopped and I
saw the steam come up from the bottom and my insides started to tingle. We’re
here!!! A rush of thoughts ran through my mind. ‘What
if Carter brought a girl with him?’
‘What
if he really didn’t like me?’
‘What
if he didn’t
flirt with me?’ Now I was nervous and
sick to my stomach. Why do I always get like this? Uggghhhh. I hated it. I didn’t
want to be there anymore than Jess did.
“Awww man, goodbye handsome
Michael.”
Jess waved her hand to Michael. Michael saw and waved to her too. “Oh
shit!”
Jess ran out of the train laughing. I eventually caught up to her.
“Wait up chica!!”
“Did you text Carter we’re
here?”
“Yeah, what if he doesn’t
like me? Like what if he’s just doing this because
he didn’t
want to say no?”
“Are you serious? With the
way he acted when you two were together and the way you two text? No honey, he
likes you.”
“Well he said he if he
wanted to try something he’d have kissed me before I
left and he didn’t.”
I let out a huge sigh.
“Well I’m
sure if he didn’t want to meet you he
would’ve
lied and said that he’s busy, or that he doesn’t
have any free days. Since he didn’t
and told you all of his availabilities, it sounds like he’s
giving you every possible chance to meet up with him if you ask me.”
“Really? You think so?”
I asked with still some doubt.
“Yeah, he’s
not the type of guy to blow you off, I can tell.”
“Okay. I hope not.”
We got to the top of the stairs and entered our way into Grand
Central Station. Boy, did I miss that place. Business men and women were running
to catch the next train while talking on their smartphones. I looked up at
Grand Central’s ceiling, just to let
myself know that I was there. The consolations, and angels all hand painted. I
just stood there and thought of the amount of time it must have taken the
people to paint all of that. If only people were that articulate and patient
now. Patience is key.
“Trust me, you’re
not like the old Kate I met five years ago. You’ve
grown, you still look fourteen, but you’ve
grown as a person.”
“Awww thanks Jess. Which
way is out?”
We were lost in Grand Central Station. Again.
“It’s
this way. I’m
sure.”
“Okay.”
I shrugged my shoulders and followed Jess as usual. “I’m
vibrating! It’s Carter! Hello?”
My heart started pounding and I hadn’t
even seen him yet.
“Hola,
what’s up?”
He sounded happy.
“Nada,
y tú?”
This was the only Spanish I knew.
“Good,
are you here yet? I’m at Time Square.”
Damn, Jess was right.
“Really?
Oh, we just walked out of Grand Central.”
“Oh
okay, I’ll
walk towards you, meet up in the middle.”
“Okay,
look for a tall dark stick, Jess and a short girl wearing black.”
“Okay,
a stick and a short girl, that’s
very descriptive thanks. I’ll find you, don’t
worry.”
He sounded so sure. Ugh, I loved it.
I
laughed, “Cool,
okay I’ll
see you soon.”
“Bye,
chica.”
“Bye.”
Why couldn’t
I have said something more flirtatious than just bye? I was so boring.
“Oooooo,
so what’d
he say??”
Jess said smiling at me.
“He
said he’s
gonna start walking towards us because he’s
already at Time Square.”
“Damn,
he can’t
wait to see you. I wish a guy was waiting for me like that.”
Jess lightly pushed me.
“You
will, hey you can always call Craig up and-” I started
cracking up laughing.
“Yuck,
don’t
say that name ever again! I wish I never met him.”
“How
did you meet him anyway?”
“I
can’t
even remember. That’s bad.”
We both laughed.
“Yeah
that is kinda bad Jess.”
We
walked to meet Carter and I went through my little checklist. Minty gum? Check.
Hair nice? Check. Pants up? Check. Boobs out? Ehhhh it’s
windy, I’ll
keep them in.
There
he was. Carter. Guys have a way of not putting any effort into the way they
look and still they look friggin’
adorable. I spent at least three hours yesterday picking out an outfit, I spent
two hours today picking out a different outfit and I still think I could’ve
done a better job. Carter probably didn’t
even know how nice he looked. He saw me. The only thing that could’ve ruined
that moment was me tripping on a rock or something. Knowing me, that would’ve
happened, but it didn’t. Carter had charisma just spilling out of him. So much
charisma, I didn’t think he knew he had it.
“Come
here.”
Carter said. He hugged me tighter than I hugged him and whispered in my ear, “Still
up for that massage?”
“Oh
my gosh!”
Jess overheard what Carter said and crossed her arms. “You
two promised!”
“Promised
what?”
Carter asked.
“Remember
when I asked you if we were friends?” I asked him.
“Yeah.”
He said unaware of the promise Jess and I made.
“Let’s
try to keep it that way. At least for today.”
Carter still didn’t get it, so I slowly
took his hand off my ass.
“Ooohhh..”
Carter’s
face dropped to the ground. “Lemme
get one last one in?” He looked me straight in
my eyes not breaking the gaze.
“Sure.”
I shrugged. Carter hugged me tight again, grabbed my ass and kissed my neck.
“Well
damn boy!”
So he did like me. Carter gave me a playful smile. And the flirting began. I
totally threw out what I promised to Jess about her being the third wheel. We
even left her a couple times and she went off on her own because she couldn’t
take it anymore, I could tell. But Carter wasn’t
letting up so I wasn’t either. This was the first guy to actually talk to me
and like me. I wasn’t letting this day get
ruined because of a little resentment.
We
were in the M&M store and Carter and I were holding hands. He handed me a
mug full of Hershey’s kisses. “I
don’t
like chocolate kisses.” I said.
“Well
what about Dominican kisses?”
My face turned bright red, my stomach was doing flips, and I looked Carter in
his eyes. He put his hands around my waist pulled me in and before I knew it,
he took my first kiss. I’ve played this scene so
many times the way I thought it would happen. The guy would always ask me if he
could kiss me. Carter demanded that kiss and I was so caught off guard. I looked
over at the door and Jess already had her arm on the handle. She was too through,
but for some reason, I didn’t
care. I guess when you’re in the heat of the
moment, you can do some bad things like break a best friend’s
promise to not flirt with the only guy that gives you the time of day.
The
rest of the day was awkward and Jess was too pissed to talk to me so I told her
I’d meet her at the train station when I was ready.
“Ugh!
You just couldn’t keep your promise could
you?! You had to kiss him!” We
were
on our way home walking to the train. I got my first kiss that day, but only
Carter and I were happy about it. I didn’t
even hug him goodbye, I didn’t
know what to do. I was too pissed to do anything. Carter at least understood.
“Well
I’m
sorry the only guy that likes me lives 63.9 miles away Jess! I’m
sorry you got to have two boyfriends and I’m
so sorry you’re
sad about being single for more than 8 months when I’ve
been single for 20 years and I’m
still fucking single!!! By the way, he kissed me. Carter kissed ME!!”
Yup. We
were
making a scene.
“I’m
not the one who turns down every guy who talks to me! And I’m definitely not the one
who likes to make fun of cute guys and expect them to take me out afterwards!”
Nope, we
put
on a whole production. There were people walking by staring at us, but neither
of us could give a flying rats ass at that moment. There weren’t that many
people either so I wasn’t too concerned anyway. I was letting it all out. Every
damned feeling I had about Jess was full of hatred. It felt good to finally
tell her how I really felt.
I dropped my bags, I probably shouldn’t
have but I was pissed and didn’t
think anybody wanted to get in between me and Jess then. “Bitch!
You know it comes out like word vomit and I suck at flirting! You know I’m
awkward! I thought you were the only one who got me. I guess not!”
I started to walk away with my bags but then I turned around to Jess to say one
last thing.
“You
know what? Fuck you and your
fake ass personality, bitch! You can call your own ride home. I am so done with
you!”
I got on the train and sat by myself and looked out the window. I noticed Jess
slowly walking on train with tears streaming down her face and sat in the next
shuttle over looking paler than ever. I didn’t
care. She could cry all she wanted. Maybe she’d
have gotten a guy to feel sorry for her. She was
so selfish. She could kiss my ass.
Chapter Three
It was 1:37 AM and Jess and I are the only ones on the
train. Two hours without speaking to Jess, I think that was a new record. I’ve
never been that mad at her but she just asked the impossible of me. How was I
not supposed to flirt with Carter? She even said it herself that he liked me,
and she knew that he wasn’t like any other guy I’ve
known. She even said we looked cute together earlier that day. All my life guys
overlooked me. Even the ugly girls had boyfriends. Shit, the ugly girls were
the ones having babies.
I stared out the window the whole ride home blasting
music in my ears.
We stopped in Milford for people to get on the train. I
didn’t
know who needed to go somewhere at two in the morning, but whatever. I looked
back at Jess and she was still there, awake. I was about to turn back around
when I saw a man walk on the train. We made eye contact. He looked back at Jess
and she didn’t notice him. He walked
over to my shuttle and sat directly across from me. He had on a long trench
coat, a black beanie, navy Dickies, fingerless gloves and beat up Adidas. I
looked at his face and he had a huge gash on his forehead. He had a tattoo of
some sort coming out of his turtleneck. This guy was a chump. He wouldn’t
stop staring at me like I was some kind of Angus beef.
I moved, he moved. I shifted in my seat; he stared at me and shifted too. Jess
probably didn’t see me. She
probably
thought that I was flirting with the guy if
she saw. I
wasn’t
too comfortable there so I quickly got up from my seat trying to move back a
row or two and he grabbed my arm.
“Where you goin’
lil’
lady?”
His voice was so rugged and scratchy. I couldn’t believe he actually grabbed my
arm. My heart was getting hot and I couldn’t breathe. I was too close to
screaming at the top of my lungs, but I knew there’s
no one around besides Jess and she couldn’t
see me.
“Let go of me jerk!”
I try to take his hand off my arm but he had a good grip. He
was
hurting my arm.
The man pulled out a gun and pointed it at me. “Undress.”
He said looking at my breasts.
“Let go of me! I’m
not taking my clothes off creep! HEL-”
He covered my mouth and pushed me onto the other seat over so no one could see
us.
“This can be easy, or end
messy, you pick which ever one lady.”
He still had the gun on me.
“I’m
not doing anything.” My voice was shaky. He
clicked the gun.
“Imma
tell you one last time bitch, Imma
get mines.”
He started unzipping his pants and breathed heavy. I stared at this man hard and
I had no idea where all of this rage came from. No one was taking advantage of
me again. I got up and pushed his arm away from me and grabbed the arm with the
gun. I struggled to get the gun out of his hand and we did a twisted dance. He
leaned in and tried to kiss me and I spat in his face. He got his arm out of my
grip and got ready to shoot, but before he could, I jumped in front of him to
push his arm in the other direction and bang.
That was the first gunshot I ever heard. It was big. I looked over to where he
shot the gun and I saw Jess on the floor with a pool of blood beside her. The
train stopped. I didn’t have a best friend
anymore. The man’s face had become ghostly. One minute he thought he was this
big man who can do what ever he wanted and now he looked as if he shit his
pants. He took my bag and jumped over Jess and left running with her stuff too off
the train. I couldn’t believe my eyes. She
looked so still I didn’t know what to do. So I
ran. I ran as far away as I could and never looked back.
It
was dark and humid and I didn’t
know where to go. I just kept running and running into the woods with the tears
racing back to my ears. What just happened? Jess was on the floor, she was shot
and I just left her there. It couldn’t
have been anybody else it was just us and that creep. I knew she didn’t
want to come with me to New York and now that was what she got for coming. I
laughed and smiled. Jess was dead and it was
my fault. She wasn’t here anymore and I
was
happy about it. I thought to go back to see if she
was
okay, I mean I knew she was dead, but I really couldn’t
leave her there for someone else to find.
I walked back to the train station and
realized that I ran about a mile away and it was taking me longer than I
expected to get back. The sun had already started to come up. I must have
stayed out in those woods for at least three hours.
I got to the top of the hill and I saw the train and
where I left the scene. It was dark when I ran so I couldn’t
see what I left behind. It looked fine except for the caution tape plastered
everywhere and blood marks all over the wall. I could not go down there. There
must have been five cop cars and three different news trucks over there. They
knew, but they didn’t know who or how. So I
got out of there, fast.
Jess
I got on the train, but I went in the other shuttle. I
knew Kate was probably happy about this. I really wasn’t being the best friend.
This was her big moment, her first kiss and I hated it. I hated that I hated
it. Kate was the happy one with the big dreams and I just destroyed one of them.
She means well in everything she does but she doesn’t
think of others when it comes to guys, especially Carter.
I
wasn’t
jealous of her and Carter, I was actually really happy for them because I knew
she’s
always been the third wheel for me and she would never say anything about being
left out. That was just Kate though, she’d
always be in her own little world and it was
scary sometimes. She’d stare out of the window
and her eyes would get so lost, I didn’t
know if she was thinking or daydreaming but she’d
always have this look of fear. I couldn’t
let her mind drift away because I never wanted to see that face on her, it didn’t
suit her well.
But then, I didn’t
care where her mind took her. New York was
our place. That
was
when we’d have our fun and do whatever. Carter had to come in the mix and mess
everything up. Dmitri was so stupid (really, why would you bring someone that’s
way cuter and has a lot more game than you? Guys don’t
be so dumb). If we ever get over this and make up, I had to tell Kate that this
whole thing was Dmitri’s fault…
that may have cheered her up.
We were almost at our stop and
I got up to apologize to Kate because I did need a ride home. I got up though,
and I saw a man in a trench coat in there fighting with Kate so I ran over and
before I knew it I heard a loud bang. I looked over at Kate and I couldn’t
help but fall to the ground. I got so lightheaded and felt this sharp pain in
my rib. I was shot. I couldn’t
think straight anymore and I blacked out.
“I
think she’s
coming through! One, two, three…clear!”
Someone said.
“She’s
got internal bleeding in the back of her head! We have to get her to the OR,
stat!!”
Someone else said. All I saw was a bright light. This place reeked of hand
sanitizer and blood. My head hurt like hell. What the fuck happened?? Who
was
touching my head?? Why was I bleeding?? I was nervous lying on that table.
I
was in a hospital room. I guess I blacked out again. “Where
am I?”
I said. I wasn’t necessarily talking to
anyone, but this man in a lab coat came into the room. “You’re
at the hospital, I’m Dr. Rowe, your doctor.
Obviously. You were shot, can you tell me what happened, Jessica?”
“Who’s
Jessica? I was shot?!” I said trying to get up but
a sharp pain in my rib stopped me from fully completing the motion. Dr. Rowe
rushed to me laying me back down on the bed.
“You
cannot move, you need your rest. Your mother will be here in a few minutes to
come see you. Can you tell me your name?”
I
couldn’t remember my name. I knew I had one, but I just couldn’t
get my brain to think of it then, or why I was
there, why I was shot, where I was…anything. I knew it wasn’t good. Was I in an
accident? All those damn questions.
“Ummm
no? I don’t
remember? Uhhh…” I started to cry
hysterically and tried really hard to remember my name but I
was
getting nothing. They must have thought I was
crazy.
“That’s
okay, it’s
okay. Just lay down and get some rest, it’ll
come to you.” Dr. Rowe said.
“I’m
Detective Cooke, and I need to speak with Jessica Reed.”
A tall, lanky man in suspenders and black knitted slacks came to my door
showing a police badge talking to Dr. Rowe.
“I
can’t
let you in she just got out of surgery and is in critical condition.”
Dr. Rowe explained.
“I
need to know what is fresh in her head before she forgets it all.” Detective
Cooke insisted on coming in and speaking with me.
“I’m
sorry but she doesn’t remember anything, not even her name. So could you kindly
leave Jessica be and let her get some rest?”
“I’m
sorry, I’ll come back tomorrow.” Detective Cooke is one of several people who
came to my door trying to get information out of me. But I really couldn’t
remember anything. I just wanted to go back to sleep and forget everything,
even though I didn’t remember anything, it felt like I knew too much.
“Jess!!
Oh Jess are you alright? Jess I’m so glad you’re alive!!” This woman was going
crazy crying and kissing my forehead so I pushed her off of me. She looked at
me with a face of shock.
“She
doesn’t remember anything Mrs. Reed, I’m sorry.” Dr. Rowe slowly took the
woman’s hand and directed her to the chair beside me. “Jessica, this is your
mother, do you remember her?” So I figured out who I was. Jessica, but with the
way I pushed the woman off of me, he should’ve gotten his answer, but I just
shook my head no. “I was afraid of it getting this bad…” Dr. Rowe scratched his
head.
“Afraid
of what getting this bad?? Doctor, what’s wrong with my Jessica?!” The woman who
happens to be my mother exclaimed. She crossed her arms and sat over in the
chair staring at me with tears in her eyes.
“The
blow to the head from the railing when she fell after the shot wiped out her
entire memory.” My mind went blank. I couldn’t think back to anything because I
couldn’t remember anything. I was shot and left for dead and I couldn’t
remember who did it.
Chapter Four
It’s
the next day and I still didn’t remember a damn thing. All I wanted to know was
who the dumb fuck was that left me to die. I swore when I found out who did it
I was going to put them behind bars. Only to find out it was her. Lying in my
hospital bed I heard the train go by. Gosh, what I would’ve given to get out of
that place.
Detective
Cooke was supposed to come in and ask me questions that day. I hoped I could
come up with something because I barely remembered anything still. But I was starting
to remember who my mom was at least.
I
brushed my hair in a ponytail with my fingers because the hospital didn’t have
any brushes and Mom forgot to bring me one. I saw Detective Cooke leaning on
the door looking at his phone and then came into my room with a pen and
notebook. I looked down in my lap and hid the different scenarios I wrote to
get him out of here quicker. I had to just tell the truth. Which was what?
“Hello,
Jessica. Can I come in?” Cooke asks.
“Uuhhh,
yeah.” I shoved the notes under the mattress. Cooke took one of the chairs and
slid it next to me, sat down and crossed one leg over the other, the usual man
stance.
“I’m
going to ask you some questions and I want you to answer as truthfully as you
can. I know it’s hard to remember, but just try your best.” He was not like
those other detectives where they’d be cold hearted and all they’d want is to
solve the case. Cooke is nice and he seemed like he cared.
“O-okay.”
I wasn’t sure how this was going to go down but I went for it.
“Do
you know where you were two days ago August 26, 2012?” Detective Cooke looked
straight at me with those pale green eyes. He probably was a Greek prince in
another life or something. It was hard not to get lost staring.
“Umm,
no...I’m not sure.” This was so hard, like I couldn’t even figure out what two
plus two was. “I think I was with someone.”
“That’s
good! That’s really good. Do you remember going to New York with Katherine
Rodriguez?” Detective Cooke wrote in his notebook.
“Kate?
That’s my best friend, I don’t know if we went anywhere though. Would she know?
Where is she anyway? My best friend didn’t to come see me in the hospital? Does
she even know I’m here? I don’t know where my phone is, I’d call her if knew
her number.” I was now sitting up in my bed frantically searching for my bag or
at least my phone.
“There’s
a search party out looing for Katherine Rodriguez, Jessica. Was she with you in
New York?” Cooke asked.
“There’s
a what?! Kate is missing?! How did this happen??!!”
“That’s
what we’re trying to figure out Jessica. If we can get some information from
you, then we can maybe get better clues in finding Katherine.” My heart
stopped. Kate was missing? What happened last night? I thought to myself, this
trip to New York wasn’t making any sense.
Kate
I
went back into the woods. I couldn’t let anyone find me so I found a puddle and
drenched myself and smeared dirt all over my clothes. I found an old run down
cabin out there. The night was got darker and I could barely see my hand held
in front of me. The cabin was small, suited for one. One window, one door and
one floor. The walls were all rotted, but it was cute. I walked inside and
there were actual appliances left. Just a microwave oven and a sink though.
There was a worn wooden desk with melted candles covered in cobb webs with a
thick layer of dust. This was someone’s writing house. I looked to find a pen
or some paper. I sat down on the chair and started writing.
Carter
was good. So I wrote about him. He was the only guy who actually showed up on a
date. I think the fact that he doesn’t always look at my face when I’m talking
to him or gets kicks from grabbing my boobs is irrelevant because he knows how
to treat a lady. I’d rather have an honest asshole than a lying jerk.
Carter’s
no model or the guy every girl’s after, but when you find someone who likes you
for you, in spite of everything and will travel to the moon and back just to
prove to you he cares, keep him, forever and ever. Even if he’s not to be your
one and only, he’s there to be there, for you. Settle for a guy that proves to
you all guys are not the same. Put him to the test, put him through the ringer
and when he comes out black and blue and still fighting, you know you’ve got
him and your lonely, pain stricken nights are over.
I woke up the next morning with the paper on my chest and
dried up tears. I felt stiff, dry clusters of dirt all over my body sticking to
me. I peeled them all off. I was covered in dirt, and I smelled of the woods,
who knew what I covered myself in, but my OCD kicked in and I needed to get
clean. Now. I put the paper I had written my thoughts and feelings of Carter on
in a small box I found in the cabin. I folded the paper and tucked the box away
outside buried behind the house.
I made myself decent enough to look like I was just
rough-housing in the woods with some friends. That was my story and I was
sticking to it. I didn’t care what anybody told me, I was not Katherine
Rodriguez. I walked up to a mini gas station a few hours down the road from the
old cabin. I walked in and the cashier stared at me. I would stare at me too if
I saw a girl covered in dirt and filled the whole market with a god-awful
stench. I looked homeless and my big eyes didn’t make me look less crazy
either. I found a large jacket on the way to the gas station so I put that on.
It helped me steal what I needed to not look like Kate anymore. I grabbed some
hair dye, a pair of scissors, soap and a jug of water. You get good at hiding
things when you’re desperate.
“Aye, you!!” The cashier yelled. I didn’t say anything, I
didn’t run or he’d have known I was stealing.
“Me?” I asked.
“Yeah, you gonna pay for that?” I was near the door and I
was holding a lighter in my hand.
“Uhhh, no.” I put the lighter back on the shelf.
“Excuse me, sir? Can you lift this bag of dog food for
me? I can’t lift anything, I’ve got a bad back.” Thank God for that old lady. The
cashier tended to the old woman and I nonchalantly walked out of the gas
station and as soon as I reached the edge of the woods, I bolted. Carrying that
jug of water was a pain but I needed it. Stealing that stuff gave me such a
rush. Like I would figure gambling to be like. Taking a chance not knowing if
you’re going to make it or win it, just taking the chance all for the
excitement.
A
tingle went down my spine as I poured some of the cold water on my head and
felt it travel down to my feet. I washed up and dyed my hair cherry red. I’ve
always wanted to know what I looked like with red hair. I cut one side of my
hair looking at a reflection of myself in a puddle I made in the ground. My
mother would never let me do something that extreme to my hair. I was known for
my hair being so thick and curly. People envied my hair. I could see why, which
was why I had to cut it. I didn’t look like Katherine Rodriguez anymore. It was
good.
Carter
“And
later today we will experience some precipitation and gray skies, but tomorrow,
there’ll be nothing but blue skies and sunshine.” The weatherman said. I poured
myself a bowl of Reese’s Puffs and opened my laptop and left the TV on for some
background noise. I haven’t heard from Kate in three days. I thought she liked
me. I mean, she kissed me back, she told me she had a great time and she said I
was cute. Girls are so complicated. I looked through my newsfeed on Facebook
and back at my phone. No missed calls or texts. I’ve never felt this way about
a girl. Every girl I’ve liked, yeah they were pretty, but Kate, she was just so
weird. And I liked it. There was the distance, and I wanted to see her again, but
I couldn’t afford it. I shrugged it off to not think about it and listened to
the news.
“This
just in, a girl by the name of Katherine Rodriguez has been reported missing.
She was last seen in New York with Jessica Reed, who is hospitalized after a
shooting. If anyone knows anything or sees Katherine, please call…”
“Fucking
what?!” I yelled at the TV. I saw a picture of Kate on the eleven o clock news
with the words, “MISSING” underneath it. I dialed her number and immediately
went to voicemail. I called Jess and got the same. What happened last night
after they left? I didn’t think I just packed my camera, got dressed, left my
mother a note and I was on the next train to New Haven.
Kate
“I
didn’t really do it, it was that creep. But I moved his arm and then…” I was
talking to myself pacing in the old cabin. “No… it was the man’s gun. You
didn’t touch it Kate. Your fingerprints aren’t on it. You’re good. You’ve
wanted this all along, to be free from Jess, you’re lucky it wasn’t you who
shot the gun and glad you were there to see it.” I walked outside to get some
fresh air and noticed a pink rose growing out of the ground. It was by itself,
I didn’t see any other flowers near it. I would’ve thought that it was some
sort of sign or symbol of hope. All beautiful things grow from the dirt or some
shit. But no, I just stomped on it and kept on walking. I spent all night
talking to myself trying to figure out if it was really me who killed Jess, or if
it really was the man who did it.
I
ended up near a big weeping willow tree in a big open field with a rope swing
hanging from one of the branches. This was the only willow tree out here. All
the rest were big oak trees and big bushels of dead leaves on the ground. Nobody
cleaned this part of the woods. It wasn’t as humid anymore, but it was still a
bit windy and the vine leaves of the willow tree were whipping around. It was
pale though. You could tell that it was just cold enough to give you goose bumps.
All
I could hear was the man’s voice saying, “Undress.” I could still feel the
gripping pain on my arm from where he grabbed me. I let this happen. I tied a
loop at the end of the rope. I sized it to go around my head. It fit. I climbed
the tree with the rope around my neck. I was so dazed and didn’t even care if I
fell. At least the pain would be over and I wouldn’t have to deal with knowing
what I did anymore. I got as high as the rope would allow, I looked down and I
wasn’t scared. I just sat there on the branch with tears in my eyes.
Chapter Five
Jess
I haven’t seen or heard from Kate since I’ve been in the
hospital. Why was she missing? And I had something to do with it. What a
perfect time to lose my memory I thought. It was summer vacation and I couldn’t
even go outside to look for her.
Dr. Rowe knocked on the door and walked in. “Hey Jessica,
how are you feeling today?” He asked.
“I’d be better if I could get out of here.” I said
sitting up on my hospital bed.
“Do you know what today is?” Dr. Rowe went through the
routine psych questions to make sure I was getting my memory back and nothing
else was going on in my brain.
“Today is Thursday August 28, 2012. The time is eight
thirty-two and I am at Yale Hospital, I’m not going crazy, I remember
everything that happened except for how I got here.” I knew the questions like
it was second nature.
“Good, probably good enough to let you go home in the
afternoon.” He said.
“I can get out of this hell hole?! Awesome!!” I was too
thrilled to be out of there and start looking for Kate, I knew I shouldn’t have
been, but she’s my best friend and I wanted to know why she went missing.
And it was the end of summer vacation so I
couldn’t even go outside and enjoy the nice summer weather and wear my yellow
polka dot bikini that I have been starving and exercising myself to look good
in.
I try to keep the mellow tone in every situation as best as I can,
but even I have my limits and bust. Like right then. I wanted my best friend
there to see me in the hospital. I had most of my memory back and I remembered
Kate’s phone number by heart and I dialed it almost every hour, but no
response. I was at the point where I could just rip the IV’s out of my arm,
walk out of that hospital in my light blue and periwinkle polka dotted gown
that showed none of my good sides and find Kate myself. If anybody knew where
she was it’d be me! But none of the detectives wanted to listen to a girl who
almost lost her entire memory.
Just as I was finished daydreaming
about how I could save the day and this could’ve all been over and done with, I
lay back down on my bed and my cheap pre paid phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Jess? Did you hear what happened to
Kate?!” It was Carter. I forgot that my mother bought me a cheap phone to keep
me entertained while I was admitted. I also forgot that I posted my new
temporary number on Facebook for fear of losing all contact with the world.
“Yes, I’m fine thank you for
asking.” Guys.
“Oh shit I’m sorry Jess, I heard you
were in the hospital. I just heard on the news this morning that Kate went
missing and I came. How are you holding up?”
“I’m okay. The very attractive drawstring gowns are starting to grow
on me. What are you doing here in CT though? You can’t do anything.”
“I came to find Kate.” He sounded more sure of finding Kate than he
ever did trying to finish a YouTube video on time.
“And how do you suppose you do that?”
“Me and Kate talk a lot, we talk about things she likes to do
sometimes. She likes to travel and get lost in unusual places. It’s one of the
things about her that just make me like her even more and-”
“Aaaaaaaaaand how is any of this going to help you find her?”
“Oh uhh, well if I know Kate in the past three months that we’ve
been talking, I know where she is.”
“And where is that??” I sat straight up in my bed.
“I can’t tell you because I don’t want to jinx anything.”
“Oh c’mon I’m her best friend! I can help you find her.”
“Last I checked you are sitting in a hospital bed wearing the ever
so attractive hospital gowns.”
“Ugh! I’m coming with you.”
“What? You can’t do that. That’s like….no you can’t do that!”
“Yes I can.”
“How?”
“You’re going to go to my house bring me some real clothes and
you’re going to help me escape out of my room.”
“Uhhhh yeah no.”
“Yes you are c’mon. I can help. I’ll tell the detective who you are
and what you’re doing if you don’t.” All Carter wanted to do was find Kate and
make sure she was safe. Which was odd because Carter has never actually done
anything for Kate. He’s all talk usually and makes fake promises. I knew this,
Kate couldn’t see it though. But whatever got me closer to finding out where
she was.
“Okay fine. Might as well make this interesting. What’s your
address?”
“Next time I have to sneak into your house, remind me that there’s a
man eating beast that lives there and to bring my sword. I almost died!” Carter
snuck in my bedroom window and came across Pica my Chihuahua. She doesn’t like
men. He met me in my room at the hospital at six thirty, a half hour before
visiting time was over.
“Ha! Aww Pica, how could you be scared of my wittle dog? She’s so
cute!!”
“That mutt is a monster. Anyways, so how are we gonna get you out of
here?”
“Well, while you were taking forever I though of a way out. The
nurses stop checking on me at eight o clock and don’t come back for another
four hours if I don’t call so that gives us til twelve midnight to find Kate.”
“But how are we going to get you out without anyone seeing you?”
“Through the window.”
“You do know that we are on the seventh floor? I’m pretty sure we’d
die if we jump.”
“You’re not letting me finish. There’s the cart outside the window
for the window wiper guys and we just-”
“Nope. Nope. No. I am not going in one of those things I’ve watched
too many YouTube videos to know that it does not end well. No. Hell no.”
“Well alright shit pants how else am I gonna get out of here?”
“Put on your clothes. Put on your shades. Take the elevator. Walk
out the door.”
“My idea was more exciting.”
“Your idea was a death sentence. Put on your clothes if you’re
coming. We have til twelve remember?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just keep watch.”
“It’s not that serious, Jess.” He was getting annoyed.
“Just shut up and look out. We don’t like each other and I really
don’t even know why you’re here looking for a girl you really don’t care about,
but right now we both want to find her so just shut up!”
“Can we just find her? Can we do that?”
“When this is over you, need to get the fuck out of here and never
speak to her again. You’re shit for her.”
“Whatever.” He shrugged.
We get out of the hospital easy enough. Carter wasn’t too shabby in
picking out clothes. I had on jeans, a t-shirt, my hoodie, and my hiking boots.
“Why did you bring me my hiking boots?”
“To see the stars.”
Carter
I didn’t know for sure if we’d find Kate that night. I wasn’t sure
of anything at that moment. All I knew was that I wanted to find her and make
sure she was okay. I wasn’t even sure if I liked her, I liked her boobs though.
“Can I ask you something?” Jess asked. We were already at the train
station heading for the woods. I decided not to be pissed at her for the night.
“What?”
“Why are we at the train station?”
“To see the stars. We’re gonna find Kate here.”
“Explain please.”
“One of my conversations with Kate we were talking about where we
live and the differences between our homes and we started talking about the
stars and how I’ve never gotten to see them. And she said I should come up here
one night so we can watch them together.”
“You really like her?”
“I don’t know.” I’ve never met anyone like her, but if I was out
there looking for her, I must like her.
“Kate is quite the gal, but you’re still not the guy for her. She’s
different you know?”
“Yeah, I know.” We get to the scene of the accident and it was like
nothing changed from what I saw on the news. We saw the blood, we saw the
caution tape, everything. It was like those crime scenes that you see on those
CSI shows. You would’ve thought there’d be somebody keeping guard so people
like me and Jess didn’t mess anything up, but people don’t get paid enough for
that.
“This is what happened? I think I’m gonna be sick, ewww I can smell
the blood. My blood, oh God.” Jess walked closer to the tracks with the sleeves
of her hoodie covering her nose. I noticed that there was a cliff above where
everything happened.
“Hey look at this! Look!”
“Oh my God…” Jess said. I found a silver foil wrapped Hershey Kiss.
It was from the mug at the M&M store. I didn’t buy it for her, but she took
three Kisses from the mug. “Could that really be from Kate though? Like anybody
could’ve left that there.”
“Who goes to the train tracks by the woods to eat Hershey’s Kisses?
It’s likely that it didn’t come from Kate yes, but it makes sense. I’m going
with my gut here.”
“You sure you’re not just hungry?” Jess said. I hadn’t eaten
anything since breakfast so that could’ve been it too.
“No, c’mon we’re going up this cliff. It’s not that big.” The cliff
had maybe a four foot jump, but there was a small hill next to it. It was dark
out there, a bit creepy. You could see nothing but the moon and the stars and
the tops of the trees from the streetlights by the tracks.
Kate always talked about the stars. How they’re millions of miles
away from us, light years away from other galaxies and yet they seem so close
to us. Me in New York and her in Connecticut, we see the same sky, moon, and
sun. She wanted us to be together so bad, but I just couldn’t justify the
distance.
“Now I see why you brought my
hiking boots. Thanks, kid.”
“Nessun problema.” We got to the middle of the woods and I could see
a little out house or a cabin of some sort in the distance.
“You see that?” Jess said pointing towards the cabin.
“Yeah.”
“You think-”
“Only one way to find out. Let’s keep moving.” We got closer to the
cabin and my heart started racing. I went up to the only window in the little
wooden cabin and I saw nothing. Before I could tell Jess not to go in she
already found something.
“Red hair dye? Why’s red hair dye being used by anyone in this
decade? It’s not attractive anymore and very few people, like the fewest of the
few can pull it off. It’s just not a good color.”
“Are you done?” I said deadpanned.
“What? It’s just not a flattering color is all.”
“Look around for things that look like they’ve been used recently.”
I found two gallons of water with a January 24, 2013 expiration date. “This is
where she’s staying! This is it!! This is where Kate’s staying!” We found her.
“But where is Kate,
Carter?”
“We’ll wait here for her.”
“But who knows if she’ll even come back? She could be anywhere by
now.” I looked down at my watch and I had half an hour to get Jess back at the
hospital. I wanted to stay there to see if Kate would actually come back, to
see if this was really where she was staying, but duties came first. Now I
understood why women weren’t brought aboard on ships.
I made it back to the cabin with moments to spare before 1AM showed
itself in all its darkness. This was it. It was just me, the cabin, and
whatever was in it. I walked towards the cabin and I heard a rustle coming from
behind. I ran up to the sound just to find a raccoon scurry away frightened by
my excitement. There was no Kate. Nowhere to be found was she. I kicked down
the door, I knocked over the water, and I trashed the place. My body wanted to
give up, but my mind kept going. I was starting to think the worst when it came
to thinking about Kate, so I took a break and called Dmitry.
“Sup? You find Kate?” Dmitry said. I told him where I was when I got
to the hospital yesterday to see Jess.
“Nope, not yet. It’s starting to get to me.”
“What?”
“Caring. I don’t like it. Life was so much easier when all I worried
about was what skit to write for my next video. Which reminds me, when I get
back we need to start shooting your music video.”
“Aight, but these things happen man. Women.”
“But why now? I want to be in my room playing Assassin’s Creed I wish I never met Kate sometimes you know? It’s
all your fault.”
“My fault? Why’s it my fault? All I did was ask you if you wanted to
come with me to meet a girl and you had nothing else better to do so you said
sure.”
“Serendipity.”
“Yeah, whatever that is.”
“Listen, when I get back-”
“Nigga, when are you coming back? Where are you staying?”
“Well, I found this old cabin-”
“Yo, if you die, I call dibs on your equipment, no lie I’m the only
other nigga that can work your shit.”
“I’m not gonna die nigga, I’m here until I find Kate, make sure
she’s okay and then I’m on my way back.”
“Aight, tell Kate I said hey when you find her.”
“Yea. I’ll see you later.”
“Stay safe out there Carter.”
“I’m in hick town, I’ll be fine.”
“Aight, bye.”
“Bye.” I hung up the phone and looked outside for some leaves to
make a bed. I didn’t know how to do this shit. The cold was setting in and I
really had no other place to go. I made my way back to the cabin when I tripped
on a stump outside. I looked back at it and noticed it was an oddly carved
stump. I got closer to see what it was and pulled it out of the ground. It was
a box. Upon opening the box were handwritten letters of some sort. There was
one letter neatly folded with red fingerprints all over it. I took it out and
it read:
Dear
Jess,
Well,
I hope you’re dead. All the problems you’ve caused in my life are finally over
and done with. I’m sorry I made you go to New York with me though. I didn’t
mean for you to get shot. I wish I was the one that got shot. All I see is the
man. But we’re all good now. Now, I’m going to pay for what I did to you and
what happened to me. If any of you guys find me I’ll be at the weeping willow
tree in these woods. It’s a ways away from the cabin. I’ll be on a rope, dead.
Or somewhere. I think I know why I wanted you dead Jess. You make me a worse me
in everything I do and yet I still want to be your friend. I don’t know why I
like you though. You’re like an attachment. You’re nothing special. I guess you
just put up with me and I’m just a better friend to you. Anywhosies, I really
miss Carter. I kinda wish I could hug him one last time and see him before I go
off into a world unknown. I really like him. If I knew things could work out
between us, I might hold off on venturing to the afterlife, but I’m just so
confused and I just want to be in peace. There’s too much going on and I want
to hear nothing. Well, off I go. I hope I don’t look too bad when you find me. I
really am sorry for everything I put you through Jess,
Kate
P.S.
If you really do read these, tell Carter I love him. I’ve always wanted to be a
part of a tragic love story. I don’t know if this is one though. Maybe. I don’t
know.
Well, there’s the Kate I never knew. This was a totally different
person from the girl I met in New York three months ago. I had to find her. I
wasn’t going to let Kate kill herself just because she thought she killed Jess.
I picked up my camera bag and kept looking.
Chapter Six
It was six in the morning and my back was killing me. Hick town was
no joke although it was nice and I wouldn’t mind living there. I’ve never seen
so many trees in one place with nothing on them. In the city, every single
fucking piece of nature is covered with some sort of decoration for some
uninteresting event. Shit always changes Downtown. It is what it is though.
Kate loved it, but this was the Kate I knew I didn’t know.
I got to this big open field. No trees whatsoever, this big circle
of plowed wood and the sun glaring at me from the east. Past the mounds of wood
though I could see ribbons in the distance. A gust of wind came by and I saw
Kate sitting on a branch. As I got closer, the ribbons turned into willow
vines. A part of me wanted to run to her and yell at Kate for running away like
this, but I made my pace slower and never made eye contact with her.
“So you know everything.” Kate saw me and gave off the same
nonchalant feel. She wouldn’t look at me, but I saw her up there with a rope
around her neck, dirt everywhere, and that awful red hair. I climbed the
branches and sat next to her.
“Yeah, I do. You know you could’ve called me. Bummin’ it in the
woods was pretty fun.” I looked over at Kate and she gave me a quick glare and
laughed.
“You? City boy? In the woods? Surprised you didn’t get eaten by the
coyotes out here.” Kate shook her head.
“Wait, what? There are coyotes out here?” The sudden realization sank
in. Kate nodded her head.
“Eaten.” Kate assured.
“Hmmm, well. I’m alive and that’s good.” I said.
“Yeah.”
“And you’re alive too so that’s even better.” I nudged Kate with my
elbow.
“Why are you here?” Kate said to me.
“Well, because in the letter you wrote, it said you’d be here and I
wanted to find you.” I took out the letter and showed it to her. Kate took that
letter and skimmed through it and scoffed.
“Well, you found me now what?” Kate looked towards the open field.
“We take this rope off and we bring you back home.”
“Do you even know what happened, Carter?!” Kate took the rope from
around her neck and threw it on the ground. Kate’s eyes were glass at this
point with tears streaming down her face leaving clean streaks from the dirt.
“I can’t go back into town or I’ll get thrown in jail!! I killed Jess, I–” And
I kissed her. I tasted the salt, dirt and the stale dry saliva from her.
“That’s why.” I said. “You didn’t kill Jess, Kate. She’s alive and
worried as fuck because you went missing and so was I.”
Kate glanced at me squinting her eyes. “I don’t care anymore.” Kate
sniffed and started picking the dirt from her fingernails out.
“We don’t have to tell Jess that. It is perfectly fine with me if
you want to keep this in this tree. You do care though. You can’t beat yourself
up about this either. It’d hurt you more than anybody if Jess died and you know
that.”
“Sure.” Kate said.
“It would, it really would and you can’t die because I’d be a punk
without you.”
“Hmmm…you’re already a punk, Carter.”
“Yeah I know. But I’m a punk because I love you, Kate.” Kate smiled
and nudged me back and I looked out at the plowed field. I felt her lips on my
cheek as she hugged me.
We made our way back to the old cabin and gathered all of Kate’s new
belongings and headed on the trail past the train into New Haven.
“It all looks so different in the daylight.” Kate said.
“Yeah, it does. You excited to see Jess?” I asked her.
“Carter?”
“Yeah?”
“Can we keep was what said in the tree, in the tree?”
“Yeah, I won’t tell.”
“I’m kinda glad Jess is alive. Yeah, I am excited to see her. I can
show her my cool red hair!!” I started to see the old Kate I met. That Kate I
saw in the tree never needed to be seen or heard from again. There’s a menace
in everyone and it takes a certain type of person to let that menace live. And
it takes another type of person to kill that menace. Kate is both.
I brought Kate back to her house so
she could get clean and fix herself. Even I had my limits. Then we drove to
Jess’s house so I could prove to Kate that Jess was in fact alive.
“KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH, KATE YOU’RE ALIVE!!!!!!” Jess ran
to Kate as she was getting out of the car and attacked her with a hug. “You
were the one who dyed your hair red?? How could you?! After all the fashion
advice I’ve given you, you still had to dye your hair red? You look like shit.”
Best friends don’t hide the truth.
“It’s my favorite color.” Kate shrugged.
“Kate I’m so sorry for everything, I-”
“It’s fine.” Kate interrupted. Guess what!”
“What?”
“Carter kissed me!!”
“AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Jess shouted. I was partially deaf in one ear and Kate
and Jess were now jumping up and down screaming at each other.
“You guys do know I’m right here.” I said.
“Oh, hey Carter” Jess said deadpanned.
“Oh God…” I sighed. But I was happy. Kate was safe and that’s what I
wanted. I had to break the news to her now though so it wouldn’t be that hard
on her later.
Kate
I said bye to Jess and brought Carter to Union Station to wait for
his train. Union Station looks a lot different than Grand Central. It’s a lot
smaller, but still has bold character strong enough to take you back to the
1950s. I see everything in black and white when I go there. It makes things
simple.
I looked over at Carter getting coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts and I
wondered if this is what a relationship feels like. I like him he likes me the
only thing that stood in the way was this damn train to Grand Central. Carter
came back and sat next to me with his arm around my shoulder.
“Why’d you kiss me?” I asked him. I still didn’t know for sure if we
were in a relationship. I’m a girl, I like labels. I needed to know. Carter
took his arm from around my shoulder.
“Kate, I gotta tell you something.” Oh God. Carter faced me. My
insides started to burn starting from my heart all the way to my extremities. He
sipped his coffee and sat it beside him on the table next to us.
“What?”
“You’re a cool
girl and I like you, quite a lot actually, but we can’t be together. I’d hoped
you wouldn’t have asked about this now though.” Carter said with discretion.
And there it went, my heart, off to the dump to be smashed and burned.
“I was thinking
about it and I didn't know if it meant anything but I got my answer.” Passive
aggressiveness is my worst quality. Letting people have their way and me always
settling. It’s better to leave things on good terms anyway.
“Are you ok with
that answer?”
“No, but I’m used
to it so I’ll get over it eventually. When’s your train coming?” My eyes
started to water again, but I couldn’t let Carter see so I got up and walked
over to the escalator to look at the people catching their train. Carter walked
over and nudged my elbow.
“I hope you know
it's not bullshit. You’re a weird and attractive girl. I’m just not willing to
take it further because of the distance between us. I’ve considered it, but I
don’t think I could have done it for long.
I'm sorry if you think ill of me or assume I'm like some other
asshole.” Carter and I were both leaning on the rail people watching.
Where was this
train? I knew this was coming, but in the back of my mind I sort of had hopes.
My could-be-would-be-boyfriend dumped me before we were even in a relationship.
That’s a new one. Distance and time, I’ve heard all the heartbreaking stories
of lovers who grew apart because of it. But at least they gave it a shot and
let the love live. It’s always better to have loved than not have loved at all.
That’s my favorite quote, but Tennyson was a little romantic bitch. Carter
didn’t want to even give us a chance. The end of the road is never clear, but
it’s whom you’re with that makes walking down that road more doable. I would’ve
thought I was getting nowhere, but no. We never fully understand why we’re here
on earth until we reach the epitome. With that life changing moment, you can
either lose yourself in the damned or let it refine you.
“No, you’re not
an asshole, you’re an honest asshole.” I got up from the rail and turned
towards Carter. “You don’t even want to try. I still like you Carter and I get
it.” I started to cry again. I’m such a girl.
Carter took me in
his arms and kissed my forehead. “I just don’t want to be the one to break your
heart later.”
“You already
did.” I said. Carter looked at me with those same sincere eyes that made me
laugh when we first met. But now they were hesitant. I buried my head in his
chest and he held me tight.
“Carter?”
“Yeah?” I let go
of him and fixed his shirt.
“You have a good
life.” His face became solemn.
“You too.” He
said and left for his train. I stayed and waited to hear his train leave. I’ll
never get tired of hearing those trains.
Copyright 2015
Copyright 2015